Sunnyvale, TX –
After years of being told by his peers that he wasn’t using the “right paintbrush,” Sam Porter of Abstract Painting finally discovered the best paintbrush in the world.
“I don’t know how to describe it,” Porter said. “I just picked it up, and it was kind of like the brush chose me, you know?”
Porter proved the brush’s worth by single-handedly painting an entire home with just one dip into his paint can. He described a tingling sensation, further confirmation that he truly did have the best brush and his peers were using junk in comparison.
The exterior project, completed for Mrs. McGillicutty in Sunnyvale, TX, included three coats of paint across a 3 bedroom home with shiplap siding. It took Porter 37 days to complete the work, although he claims he could have done it in 29 if he skipped bathroom breaks (he is working on obtaining a NASA-engineered diaper).
“I wouldn’t have believed it could be done if I hadn’t seen it myself,” Mrs. McGillicutty said without looking up from her knitting. “Just one dip in the can. I’m happy it worked out and caused such a stir, but I’m more glad the work is done.”
Porter says he will take a much-deserved break now, but he is excited to move on to his next project. “Truly,” Porter said with a winning smile between chugs of Gatorade. “The sky’s the limit.”
Purdy and Wooster Corporations were unavailable for comment on the mystery brush.