A Word About Wearing Vendor-Branded Shirts

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When I was a kid, I loved it when my dad would come home from work and hand me a local paint supplier’s t-shirt. The back would usually have some Hawaiian-style cars, motorcycles, desert, beach, or surf design on it. Frazee Paint, Dunn-Edwards, and Vista Paints were all very popular when I was growing up in San Diego. The shirts were free, so not only did I enjoy wearing them, but my dad’s paint crew would also get in on the action. If they got too much paint or caulk on them, they’d go to the paint store and get another free shirt! Why not? It’s free, right?  Read More

2 Things To Do On Your LinkedIn Profile Now

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LinkedIn is a powerhouse for B2B connections. It is owned by Microsoft and is showing signs of growing stronger in the market.

I want you all reading this to do two things on your LinkedIn profile to help make you look more professional in your industry. These are best practices. There is a lot to learn about LinkedIn. I wanted to keep this short and make it easy for you all to commit to these two things. Read More

Alternative to Salesforce – Meet Zendesk Sell

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Updated Nov 2018: Base changed their name to Zendesk Sell

Salesforce continues to be a strong leader in Customer Relationship Management (CRM) for many medium and large companies. I still hear a lot of chatter from companies looking to switch for many reasons. Sometimes it has to do with saving money or that they just need something that is easier to use.

I have used many CRMs over the years to see how they work and recommend the ones I feel are the better choice for my clients and businesses I meet in person or online. I still log in to quite a few platforms to run marketing and sales reports and keep tabs on how CRM programs look and feel. Read More

Facebook Is Changing! How Will Your Company Page Be Impacted?

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If you haven’t heard about it yet, let me be the one to break the news to you.

Facebook is changing in a massive way, and things will never be the same.

To quote the R.E.M. song, it’s the end of the [Facebook] world as we know it. But before you crawl into your social media bunker and wait for impact, we’ve put together a quick overview of what you need to know to survive. 
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Elderly Painting Contractor Shocked to Find that “50 Shades of Gray” Is Not a Color Documentary

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Little Rock, AR – After the local Blockbuster stopped renting VHS tapes, elderly painter Thomas Jones took to renting DVD’s from Redbox. Last Friday, according to a confidential source, Mr. Jones scanned the available titles, and chose “50 Shades of Gray,” planning to watch it with his wife, Martha.

It wasn’t the date night they had pictured…

“Martha and I had been arguing about whether greige is a real color, and we thought this would settle it,” mused Jones, obviously shaken by the experience. “I was hoping they would feature my favorite shade of gray.”

Martha confided to us in a frail voice, “Tom has always been partial to Ocean Haze, and I love Granite Cliffs, but they never mentioned either color.”

“I can’t believe people watch this trash,” continued Jones. “They never even mentioned that gray isn’t a real color!”

Responding on Facebook Messenger

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All my customers have a Facebook Business Page. Over the years I have seen a few prospects and customers of my clients reach out completely through Facebook, using the Facebook Messenger. This past year, I’ve seen consumers use the messaging feature even more on Facebook as well as other platforms: LinkedIn, Yelp, Angie’s List, and so forth. The goal if you accept messages on your Facebook page should be to make it easy for consumers to get in touch with you.

The problem with this, however, can be two-fold:

  1. It really is hard to keep up and reply to these messages in a timely manner.
  2. A lot of companies don’t get notified that they received a message and don’t reply at all! Read More

Painting Crew Arrested for Arriving Before 8:00 AM

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Loma Linda, CA – At 7:25 this morning, police responded to a call from a groggy homeowner who claimed that “a bunch of men with weapons” were outside his home. The SWAT team was mobilized and the whole block was cordoned off by police, when a chopper circling overhead discovered the source of the disturbance. It was a painting crew, and their “weapons” were merely paint sprayers. Read More

New Year’s Resolution; a Quick-Fading Paint Line Now on Sale

Posted by | Satire | No Comments

Bend, OR – For homeowners determined to make changes in their homes this year, ADC Paints has developed an amazing new line of interior paints. With the promising name of “New-Years Resolution,” these delicately-formulated paints look bright and lively for anywhere from 3 to 6 weeks. Once the Resolution color has faded, the wall will look exactly as it did before you painted it.

One of the most amazing aspects of this product is that it will sporadically reappear throughout the year. For example, it may come back for a week in April, three days in August, and one morning in September.

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Study Results: Good Painters Are Terrible at Paintball

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NEWARK, DE – Researchers at the University of Delaware have recently proven there is an inverse link between skill in painting and skill in paintball. In other words, the better you are at painting, the worse you’ll be at paintball.

One of the subjects in the study, Sam Coney, of Fully Primed Painting, had been expecting different results: “I’m shocked! Truly stunned! Here we are, calling ourselves professional painters… why can’t we ever win a paintball match?”

Carlos Wiseman, lead researcher, outlined for us several of the traits that good painters displayed during paintball matches. “They’re meticulous! I mean, most of them wouldn’t shoot a paintball until they had laid dropcloths over everything!”

Some other observed behaviors included:

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