Humor | A David Creation

Homeowner Pays Painter To Leave Job

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Rose Hill, VA-

Joan Slotch hired Paul the Painter 7 weeks ago to paint four rooms in her Rose Hill home.funny painting blog

“I should’ve known it was too good to be true,” Joan says, referencing Paul’s special offer: Paint 1 Room, Get 3 Free. Looking back, Joan also says that the hand-written business card should have been a red flag, as well as the fact that Paul worked out of his sister’s minivan and seemed to only own one brush.

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Painter Spends $878 on “Free” Color Samples for Client

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PALO ALTO, CA – At Abrush and Beyond Painting, owner Ben Rogers had a simple customer-relations motto: You Want It, You Got It!  “It’s our way of being a good neighbor,” Mr. Rogers always explained.

The customer service of this neighborly painter was put to the test recently, when a client asked for color samples to be painted on their walls. So, how did they do? The customer testimonial says it all!

“Mr. Rogers was exceptional! He came and applied 16 different samples of greige to my living room walls, so I could pick the best one. Then we decided we preferred tan, so he painted us 13 varieties of that. In the end, we really thought white was best. We had trouble deciding on the right white, so Mr. Rogers put 47 options on the wall for us. And it was all free!”

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New Product Announcement: Mirror Paint for Gyms!

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What is the most important piece of equipment in any gym, fitness center, or workout facility? Mirrors, of course! After all, who wants to lift weights or run on a treadmill if you can’t look at yourself while you do it?

Until now, fitness centers had to rely on conventional mirrors, placed on every available wall surface, so that no matter which way their clients looked, they could admire their toned abs and bulky biceps.

“The problem is that mirrors are expensive, and they’re dangerous if they break,” explained gym owner Antonio Golds. Another gym owner, Fabio Cros-Phit, added, “No matter how many mirrors we bought, there were always some spaces we missed.”

Not anymore! ADC Paints is proud to announce our best innovation to date: mirror paint!

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Elderly Painting Contractor Shocked to Find that “50 Shades of Gray” Is Not a Color Documentary

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Little Rock, AR – After the local Blockbuster stopped renting VHS tapes, elderly painter Thomas Jones took to renting DVD’s from Redbox. Last Friday, according to a confidential source, Mr. Jones scanned the available titles, and chose “50 Shades of Gray,” planning to watch it with his wife, Martha.

It wasn’t the date night they had pictured…

“Martha and I had been arguing about whether greige is a real color, and we thought this would settle it,” mused Jones, obviously shaken by the experience. “I was hoping they would feature my favorite shade of gray.”

Martha confided to us in a frail voice, “Tom has always been partial to Ocean Haze, and I love Granite Cliffs, but they never mentioned either color.”

“I can’t believe people watch this trash,” continued Jones. “They never even mentioned that gray isn’t a real color!”

Painting Crew Arrested for Arriving Before 8:00 AM

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Loma Linda, CA – At 7:25 this morning, police responded to a call from a groggy homeowner who claimed that “a bunch of men with weapons” were outside his home. The SWAT team was mobilized and the whole block was cordoned off by police, when a chopper circling overhead discovered the source of the disturbance. It was a painting crew, and their “weapons” were merely paint sprayers. Read More

New Year’s Resolution; a Quick-Fading Paint Line Now on Sale

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Bend, OR – For homeowners determined to make changes in their homes this year, ADC Paints has developed an amazing new line of interior paints. With the promising name of “New-Years Resolution,” these delicately-formulated paints look bright and lively for anywhere from 3 to 6 weeks. Once the Resolution color has faded, the wall will look exactly as it did before you painted it.

One of the most amazing aspects of this product is that it will sporadically reappear throughout the year. For example, it may come back for a week in April, three days in August, and one morning in September.

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Study Results: Good Painters Are Terrible at Paintball

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NEWARK, DE – Researchers at the University of Delaware have recently proven there is an inverse link between skill in painting and skill in paintball. In other words, the better you are at painting, the worse you’ll be at paintball.

One of the subjects in the study, Sam Coney, of Fully Primed Painting, had been expecting different results: “I’m shocked! Truly stunned! Here we are, calling ourselves professional painters… why can’t we ever win a paintball match?”

Carlos Wiseman, lead researcher, outlined for us several of the traits that good painters displayed during paintball matches. “They’re meticulous! I mean, most of them wouldn’t shoot a paintball until they had laid dropcloths over everything!”

Some other observed behaviors included:

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Holiday Light Showdown: Supreme Court Awards Joint Custody to Painters and Landscapers

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Washington, D.C. – The nation’s highest court has finally handed down a verdict in the spectacular Deere v. Moore case. The dispute centers around which type of contractor – landscapers or painters – has the right to install Christmas lights on the nation’s homes.

This high-voltage lawsuit began 5 years ago in suburban Virginia when Fine-N-Dandy Landscaping employees were installing icicle-lights on a two-story colonial brick home outside Alexandria. Halfway through the project, they saw estimators from Fine Coats Painting talking with the neighbors, gesturing towards the roofline.

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