Millennial Hipster Surprised to Learn He Can’t Paint Remotely

Posted by Adam Zobel | Tue, Aug 1, 2017

 Millennial Hipster Surprised to Learn He Can’t Paint Remotely

After receiv­ing his PhD in Arbo­re­al Habi­tats from a major online uni­ver­si­ty, 31-year-old Ash­er Fly­nn of Dou­glas, OH, was hired by Fin­ish­ing Touch­es Paint­ing Company.

It’s not real­ly what I want­ed to do,” Fly­nn said. But I fig­ured I could do this to start pay­ing back my loans, you know?” 

All seemed to be going well until Fly­nn received word that he had missed his first day of work, and then his sec­ond and third. When a final warn­ing arrived that his job may be ter­mi­nat­ed, Fly­nn decid­ed to take action.

I texted them a thou­sand times and got frus­trat­ed,” Fly­nn stat­ed while slow­ly low­er­ing the plunger in a French press full of cof­fee brewed from eth­i­cal­ly-sourced, free-range, grass-fed, good-natured beans. I mean, why was I get­ting in trou­ble? I assumed I could work remote­ly because of, you know, the envi­ron­ment. Plus,” he added while adjust­ing the Ray-Ban glass­es on his nose, I can’t be expect­ed to long­board all the way over there every day. That’s not right.”

Doug Fair­man, own­er of Fin­ish­ing Touch­es Paint­ing Com­pa­ny declined an inter­view but did offer this state­ment: We hired Ash­er Fly­nn as a full-time painter, offered him a fair wage, and a ben­e­fits pack­age in six months. He just nev­er showed up so we assumed he had found anoth­er opportunity.”

When asked about his next steps, Fly­nn seemed unsure as he focused on post­ing a self­ie of him­self to Insta­gram, wear­ing his painters’ whites, a brush held across his chest, and a fedo­ra he dis­cov­ered in his par­ents’ coat clos­et. He care­ful­ly weighed his fil­ter options and chose the hash­tag “#work­ing­man.”

He then said, I just hope they reim­burse me for the clothes. Although they are kind of iron­ic. I might keep them.”

About Adam Zobel

Adam came to us with a background in teaching, writing, and a work history that included serving numerous small businesses (including assisting with content writing and marketing efforts). He was a natural fit, and enjoys connecting with our clients, creating unique content that reflects their culture and voice. We keep him busy! Adam handles blogging, email campaigns, website content creation, copywriting for print and promotional materials, social media, letters, mailers, and more. He also does a dynamo impression of Nicolas Cage, but you didn’t hear that from us. Adam lives in New Hampshire with his wife and two boys. He is also a 1st cousin of David’s wife!


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