New Year’s Resolution; a Quick-Fading Paint Line Now on Sale

Posted by | January 09, 2018 | Satire | No Comments

Bend, OR – For homeowners determined to make changes in their homes this year, ADC Paints has developed an amazing new line of interior paints. With the promising name of “New-Years Resolution,” these delicately-formulated paints look bright and lively for anywhere from 3 to 6 weeks. Once the Resolution color has faded, the wall will look exactly as it did before you painted it.

One of the most amazing aspects of this product is that it will sporadically reappear throughout the year. For example, it may come back for a week in April, three days in August, and one morning in September.

Additionally, unless you paint a new color over it, your Resolution color will reappear the next year on January 1st, beginning the pattern anew!

The following are just a few of the inspiring colors included in the New-Years Resolution paint line:

New years Resolutions paint colors

Rumor is, ADC Paints is still developing a new product for those who have become jaded by failed resolutions in the past. Given the snazzy name, “Diminished Expectations,” this product is bound to be a hit with the realists around us.

An initial draft of the publicity for “Diminished Expectations” reads as follows: “Indulge in the smug superiority of your nihilistic views, with a meaningless lack of ambition that is guaranteed not to produce any new results in your life.”

Early testing of the product seems to be working, as the test walls have yet to show any sign of change. Skeptics argue that there isn’t even anything in the paint can!

About Joel Poortenga

Ice cream maker, English teacher, underwater gold miner, grocery store clerk, Spanish teacher, chimney sweep’s assistant, and marketing content writer. Can you guess which of those jobs Joel Poortenga hasn’t held? As you ponder that question, also consider the fact that Joel is a Canadian who lives in West Virginia and is married to a woman who grew up in Taiwan. They have 5 wonderful children! He loves woodworking, travel, and music, and he also enjoys yard work and home improvements. (By the way, Joel really did all those jobs!) With a degree in English Language and Literature, and with many years of experience in blogging, content writing, and email marketing, Joel is an expert communicator for a wide range of settings.

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