Painter Paints Entire Exterior Dipping His Brush Once

Sun­ny­vale, TX — After years of being told by his peers that he wasn’t using the ​“right paint­brush,” Sam Porter of Abstract Paint­ing final­ly dis­cov­ered the best paint­brush in the world. Hand­craft­ed in Nova Sco­tia, topped with fresh­ly-plucked uni­corn hair and bad­ger down, the brush imme­di­ate­ly caught Porter’s eye at a recent trade show. ​“I don’t know how to describe it,” Porter said. ​“I just picked it up, and it was kind of like the brush chose me, you know?” Porter proved the brush’s worth by sin­gle-hand­ed­ly paint­ing an entire home with just one dip into his paint can. He described a tin­gling sen­sa­tion, fur­ther con­fir­ma­tion that he tru­ly did have the best brush and his peers were using junk in com­par­i­son. The exte­ri­or project, com­plet­ed for Mrs. McGilli­cut­ty in Sun­ny­vale, TX, includ­ed three coats of paint across a 3 bed­room home with shiplap sid­ing. It took Porter 37 days to com­plete the work, although he claims he could have done it in 29 if he skipped bath­room breaks (he is work­ing on obtain­ing a NASA-engi­neered dia­per). ​“I wouldn’t have believed it could be done if I hadn’t seen it myself,” Mrs. McGilli­cut­ty said with­out look­ing up from her knit­ting. ​“Just one dip in the can. I’m hap­py it worked out and caused such a stir, but I’m more glad the work is done.” Porter says he will take a much-deserved break now, but he is excit­ed to move on to his next project. ​“Tru­ly,” Porter said with a win­ning smile between chugs of Gatorade. ​“The sky’s the limit.” Pur­dy and Woost­er Cor­po­ra­tions were unavail­able for com­ment on the mys­tery brush.